Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
