It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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