He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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