forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
