my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
