dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
