fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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