C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
