some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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