dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
