last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize