do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
