Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
