that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Randomize
