I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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