I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
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I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
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The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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