So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
