Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
