i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
zippers are such a cool invention
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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