Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
