i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
