just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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