Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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