My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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