it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
