My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
