somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
