If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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