What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
