I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
