If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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