i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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