my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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