I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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