K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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