dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
