I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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