would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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