I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
