Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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