Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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