I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
