How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
