Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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