She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
