this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
