He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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