I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
