Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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