her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
