I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
