the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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