he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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