i don't plan on having that self control this summer
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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