He kissed a someone with a penis
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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