She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
