I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
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Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
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Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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