A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
being pregnant is like rehab
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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