No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
