dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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