I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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