The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
